what kind of joke is this? no seriously, why do you think it's funny to play with my feelings like this? (I'm talking to the universe) so first you send me to consecutive dreams where me and that dude from stranger things are into each other. cool. whatever. i think nothing of it except now I have a new celebrity crush despite having watched the show since it first came out. but whatever. celebrity crushes are pointless if you ask me and I hate when I have them because to what end? besides the point. the morning after the second dream, I was scrolling through some comments under some video and someone mentioned that they dreamt their future wife a week before meeting her. And so i (totally unserious, did not actually mean this) think "hmm... guess that means my future husband is that dude from stranger things then." but whatever moving on...
then two weeks later, I'm getting ready for work and decide to pull a couple tarot cards to set the vibe I was tryna "manifest" (I know how I sound but idk what other verbage to use to clearly get my point across without sounding totally disconnected from reality which usually I am but I swear this time I'm totally sober minded). that particular day I was like "you know what, I kinda hope I really connect with someone today. that's what I want. I just want to really vibe and connect with a customer today and hopefully we'll hit it off and maybe he'll be my next fling or something." that's the vibe and intention I had set. So I pulled the lovers card, two of cups, and the empress, tucked them into my purse, and went to work.
so there I am at work, I see you with your friend, the friend who I guess is the "hotter" one but I didn't care cause I thought you were really cute and we were getting along. And in the middle of us really hitting it off, I realize you looked like that dude from stranger things!!! like walmart brand dude from stranger things but close tf enough. I mean come on now. what are the odds that I have those random dreams back to back, read that comment about dreaming of your future lover before meeting them, and that day before coming into work and meeting you I happen to set the intention of connecting with someone and brought those tarot cards in. so obvously i get your number cause WHAT ARE THE ODDS???
(NOW THIS IS THE PART THAT PISSES ME OFF) we spend A MONTH texting and most of the text messages are us just trying to coordiante plans and coordiante meeting up and expressing clear mutual interst and yet for whatever reason we just cannot seem to get on the same page at all. For whatever unknown reason we just are incapable of finding ONE DAY where we are both free to hang out and it got to a point where it felt like a humiliation ritual. constatly checking in to see if youre free only for our schedules to still never align.
listen. I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't a little dissapointed we could never make it work. I am a bit dissapointed. but whatever I got over it. over the years i've learned the art of detachment and am a pro at getting excited and creating this fantasy version of guys in my head whilst all the while knowing fully that the version of men in my head is never the same as real life. so it's not really him i'm upset about or the loss of this potential connection. the only entity i'm fucking pissed with is the fucking universe because WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?????
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT WAS THE POINT OF SENDING ME ALL THOSE STRANGE SIGNS AND SYNCRONICITIES ONLY FOR THIS CONNECTION TO DIE SIMPLY DUE TO LOGIISTICAL AND SCHEDULING ISSUES??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? I wasn't in love with the dude, we litterally met once but like GODDAMN. WHAT WAS THE POING???? (men are so fucking boring omg)
cilantro said "maybe the universe was to teach you a lesson." WHAT TO NOT HAVE HOPE???? THAT IS THE LESSON I NEEDED TO LEARN??? TO NOT HOPE FOR THINGS??? god forbid i have hopes. desires. a human need for romantic connection. God forbid the universe catch you out here wanting things. I swear to god. don't let the universe hear that you actually want things. cause the second it hears you want things, then come the mother fucking lessons "oh no child, you can't always get what you want. but sometimes you get what you need." Oh I'm fucking sorry for liking someone. I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again.
NO FUCKING WONDER THE DIVORCE RATE IS UP!! The universe out here ending marriages simply because people wanted things to work out. fuck me.
it's honestly fine. tbh i have this weird thing where i forget what guys look like after meeting them for the first time. so i kinda forgot what you looked like, i just remebered you kinda looked like that dude from stranger things. and although I wasn't drunk when we met, i was ovulating so there's a very real chance I overhyped you up in my head when we first met. so it was either chemistry or an influx of estrogen and testosterone I was feeling that night.